What is Self-Esteem? A Personal Journey of Growth, Doubt, and Belief
⏱ 5 min read
Search for “what is self-esteem,” and you’ll get textbook definitions: your sense of self-worth, how much you value yourself, or how you see your own abilities. But what no definition captures is how self-esteem actually feels when you have none and how powerful it becomes when you begin to build it.
This blog isn’t about textbook psychology. It’s about the lived experience of someone (me!) who had zero self-esteem, didn’t think highly of herself, and is still learning how to show up, speak up, and believe, “Yes, I can do it.”
Let’s go deep into what self-esteem means, how it shows up in everyday life, how to build it consistently, and how it can influence success, your weight loss journey, your habits, and even your creativity.
What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is not about being loud, always confident, or always right. It’s your inner knowing that you matter even when you’re not the loudest in the room, even when you mess up.
It’s the ability to:
- Trust yourself when you’re unsure.
- Speak up when everyone else disagrees.
- Show up when you’re scared.
- Keep going when failure feels like proof you’re not good enough.
It’s Yin and Yang part light, part shadow. It’s confidence in balance with humility.
My Story: From Invisible to Intentional
Growing up, I had zero self-esteem.
I wasn’t the “cool kid.” I wasn’t the topper. I wasn’t the extrovert relatives adored. I was quiet, introverted, and never came first except in art and drawing. That was my little win.
Then came the summer that changed everything. I went from being extremely skinny to suddenly gaining a lot of weight. People noticed and commented. Constantly.
I started hating mangoes (because I blamed them for my weight gain) and avoided social gatherings. That’s when my self-esteem truly shattered.
I isolated myself. But I didn’t try to change either.
Read: How to ask Questions?
The Shift: When College Became a Catalyst
It wasn’t until college that things started to shift. I began reading books not for marks, but for vocabulary. I began talking more. I joined fests. I pushed myself to take leadership roles.
Eventually, I became the Head CR. Later, during my graduation years, I was the first female in five years to lead the IT team.
Everyone said, “Look how confident you’ve become.”
But truth?
I didn’t believe it. I didn’t feel it. I still don’t fully feel it.
But I’m learning to say, “Yes, I can do this.”
That’s how I’ve started building my self-esteem slowly, intentionally, and with consistency.
Bonus Read: 9 Important Life Skills That Will Make You 37x Better in 2025
Self-Esteem is a Skill, Not a Superpower
We think people have self-esteem or they don’t. Truth is, it’s more like a muscle.
The more you:
- Keep promises to yourself.
- Speak kindly to yourself.
- Try things that scare you.
- Break norms (even internal ones).
The stronger that muscle becomes.
Even something like building a website I told myself I couldn’t make it look aesthetic. But now I am. I’ve started believing in me. Not because I suddenly became confident. But because I’ve been proving to myself that I can.
Building the Best Habits That Reinforce Esteem
Self-esteem grows when you do esteem-able acts. Here are small but best healthy habits that helped me:
Speaking kinder: Don’t say things to yourself you wouldn’t say to your friend
Saying yes to new things: Kickboxing, running a marathon, etc anything outside the “old you.”
Setting tiny goals and hitting them: This builds trust in self, which is the core of esteem.
Read my Japan Trip Letter that I wrote to myself before my Japan trip. I was so proud of me and you have to appreciate yourself for little things you do.
Self-Esteem vs. Confidence: What’s the Difference?
Confidence is outward like what others see.
Self-esteem is inward like what you believe.
I looked confident leading a team. But I doubted every decision.
I looked confident running meetings. But felt like a fraud inside.
That’s the thing: You can fake confidence. But not self-esteem.
The Cool Kid Myth & Social Conditioning
Society rewards loud kids. The performers. The joke-crackers. The dancers.
I was none of that.
But I was observant. Creative. Curious. And that also matters.
Self-esteem builds when you stop chasing the role models society hands you and start accepting the weird, quiet, brilliant, introverted genius that you are.
If feeling Lost: I Don’t Know What I’m Doing With My Life
How to Build Self-Esteem (Step-by-Step)
- Accept the low days. Don’t force fake positivity.
- Create consistency in one small habit. Prove reliability to yourself.
- Celebrate wins like they matter. Because they do.
Final Truth: I Still Don’t Have “Great” Self-Esteem
And that’s okay.
I’m not here to sell a transformation.
I’m here to say that self-esteem is a work-in-progress. That shy girl still lives in me. But she’s learning how to be loud, strong, curious, and kind.
If you’re someone who:
- Wasn’t the topper.
- Didn’t win at life early.
- Struggles with weight, confidence, comparison…
You’re not alone.
You can change not all at once, but one quiet, consistent act at a time.
Because the more you believe, the more you become.
