Small Talk: The Skill I Never Thought I Needed

⏱ 10 min read

Let’s start with honesty: small talk was never my thing.
And I mean never.

In fact, the first line of this blog is literally me using the primary keyword because I’m finally giving small talk the importance it deserves. I’ve always been a “five people in my life are enough” who didn’t need to talk to strangers, acquaintances, or the woman standing beside me in a checkout line for no reason. Why would I talk? Why would they talk? What is there to say besides “hi, how are you?”and then what?

But lately, life has completely changed.

I’m meeting more people.
I’m walking into new rooms.
I’m having unexpected conversations.
And suddenly, I realised… I am clueless.

Like genuinely standing-there-smiling-but-dying-inside clueless.

You know that moment when someone casually says,
“So, what do you do?”
And your brain just says: NO.

Exactly.

That’s why I wrote this.
Because learning small talk is turning out to be a real-life skill kind of like learning to parallel park (still don’t know how to do that) or finally understanding taxes.

And maybe you’re like me too someone who didn’t grow up needing small talk but is now suddenly in social situations where it truly matters.

So let’s learn this together.

What Is Small Talk?

Here’s the small talk definition you’ll find on Google:

Small talk is a light, informal conversation meant to fill silence, build rapport, or create social comfort.

But here’s my definition after living it:

Small talk is the warm-up of a conversation the same way stretching is the warm-up before the actual workout.

Small talk isn’t fake.
It isn’t meaningless.
It’s simply the bridge that helps two humans connect before diving into deeper topics.

Think of it as:

• A soft entry point
• A moment to observe people
• A social cushion

And the funny thing? The more I meet people, the more I realise that everyone relies on small talk even the confident ones who look like they have it all figured out.

How I Realised I Need Small Talk

I’ll be honest I didn’t realise the importance of small talk until something big happened in my life.

Suddenly, my world doubled. New people, new names to remember, new relations and new dynamics.
Which is beautiful, right?
Yes.
But also… a little terrifying.

Let me tell you exactly how it felt.

We had a small family gathering recently. I walked in with a smile, ready to meet people, ready to say hello.

And then, the moment I started greeting people
“Hi, hello, namaste”
I realised I had no idea what comes after that.

Like literally zero.

What do I ask?
What do I say?
How do I continue the conversation?

I’m meeting aunties, uncles, cousins, relatives I didn’t even know existed five minutes earlier. Everyone is so warm, so welcoming, so genuinely curious and I’m standing there internally panicking like:

“Okay… what next?”

And then comes the question that haunted me in every corner of the room:

“So, what do you do beta?”

I froze. Every. Single. Time.

It’s not that I don’t know what I do of course I know. But somehow my brain in that moment acts shy, confused, and overly conscious. I start overthinking:

• How much should I say?
• Should I keep it short?
• Should I make it detailed?
• Will they even understand what I do?

It’s like my brain becomes this buffering wheel that never loads.

And let’s not forget the reverse situation when I have to ask them something after “hi”.

WHAT do I ask?

• Do I ask about work?
• Do I ask about their day?
• Do I ask how they know everyone?
• Do I ask about the function?
• Or do I just stand there smiling awkwardly like a polite mannequin?

Whenever someone asks me anything beyond ‘hi, how are you,’ my brain becomes a blank PowerPoint slide

And that’s when it hit me:
Small talk is not optional anymore it’s a necessity.
Small talk is the first doorway into bonding with my new family.
It’s how they get to know me.
It’s how I get to know them.
It’s how we build comfort, familiarity, warmth.

And honestly, I want that.
I want to connect with them.
I want to talk freely.
I want to feel like I belong.

So yes, that’s the moment I knew learning small talk is officially my new life skill.

The Real Secret Behind Good Small Talk

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this:

Small talk is not about having the right answer.
It’s about asking the right question.

You don’t need to be funny.
You don’t need to sound smart.
You don’t need to give long explanations.

You just need to keep the conversation moving in a natural flow.

How I’m Personally Learning Small Talk

I realised yesterday literally yesterday that I need to learn small talk.
Not someday. Not eventually.
Now.

Because if I’m going to walk into new functions, meet new relatives, and build new relationships, I can’t depend on “hi, hello” forever. My brain needs a plan.
So I created one.

And honestly? These are the steps I want to practise every single time I meet someone new. Maybe you can try them too.

1. Start With One Simple Observation

I don’t need to be clever.
I don’t need some grand opening line.
Just one small observation to warm things up.

Like:

• “The decorations today look so pretty.”
• “I love the colour of your suit.”
• “The food smells amazing.”

It’s easy, natural, and doesn’t feel forced.

2. Ask One Open-Ended Question

This is my new golden rule:
No yes/no questions.

If I ask,
“Did you eat?”
They’ll say yes or no and the conversation dies right there.

So now I’m practising questions like:

• “What did you like the most from the food?”

These keep the conversation flowing.

3. Add a Tiny Personal Detail

I realised that conversations open up when I open up.
Nothing huge, nothing dramatic just one small personal line.

Like:

• “I’ve been obsessed with trying new desserts lately.”

4: I Let Them Speak

People love talking about themselves, give them the chance.

5: I Just Follow The Flow

No pressure.
No rehearsed answers.
No overthinking.

If a topic ends, I move to another question.

It’s literally like letting conversation be a river rather than a planned route.

6. Exit Gracefully (Very Important)

I realised that I don’t need to talk forever.
Sometimes, small talk is just a few minutes and that’s fine.

My new go-to exit lines:

• “It was so nice talking to you. I’ll catch up with you in a bit.”
• “Take care, I’ll see you again.”
• “I’m just going to grab some water/food, I’ll be back.”

Short, polite, smooth.

Mistakes I Used to Make

Mistake 1: Overthinking Everything

“What if they think I’m awkward?”
They’re too busy thinking the same thing.

Mistake 2: Asking Yes/No Questions

Dead end. Always.

Mistake 3: Trying to Sound Impressive

People don’t want perfect.
They want relatable.

Personal Takeaway

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Small talk isn’t small.
It’s the beginning of every connection you’ll ever build.

If you ever feel awkward, quiet, or unsure what to say trust me, I’ve been there. I’m still learning. I still fumble. And I still freeze sometimes. But I want to be better, and I know I will be with time.

Because you never know which tiny “hi” or “I love your bag” can change your day, your mood, or your entire life.

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